The worst launch day "killer app" glorified tech demo Nintendo ever released, as well as the one that did the least to hide the fact it's a tech demo. A soulless shill for Joy-Cons, my favorite totally non-drifting and totally not overpriced video game controller.

I'm sad to say I forgot I owned this. Harmless fun with or without friends, yet one in a line of glorified tech demos for the Wii U and the gamepad's functionality, something Nintendo accomplished beautifully with Wii Sports in 2006 and somehow never came close to topping.

Update: *Minor Spoilers* So... I've finally 100%ed this. The last thing I had to do was beat the Majima Saga. I'm almost ashamed to admit it because I think the outcome of the Majima Saga's main plot is rather predictable (even if I don't think it brings the whole game down by any means). But anyone who's played both Yakuza 0 and the Majima Saga will know exactly why I found myself weeping while playing it. Fuck it's not fun admitting that. I have no score updates seeing as this game pretty much remains unchanged for me in terms of quality, it's an amazing game with a terrific campaign. Interestingly, my complaints about the EXP, combat, and heat mode systems, at this point, feel outdated because I am so used to them that I've come around to their function even if combat isn't as smooth as it is in Yakuza 0 or Kiwami 1. That said, the Dragon Engine, though it's stunning on first inspection and does make some quality-of-life improvements for gameplay, is also capably flawed in similar areas, where many aspects of the game are poorly borrowed from Yakuza 6 (the game that introduced this engine) and can take away from the immersion. Some aspects of gameplay can also seem mechanically superficial and the story, as brilliant as it is, truly doesn't pick up steam until the second half, which is interesting because the second half is pretty much where Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio said "fuck it" and nearly left most of Kiwami 2's arch-nemesis for Kiryu, Ryuji Goda, to the wayside. And Goda is a well-written and fascinating villain! So take that as you will. With all of this said though, I would still recommend any self-respecting video game enthusiast to at least try this game on for size, especially if they liked Yakuza 0 and Yakuza Kiwami 1 before it. ------------------------------------------------------ Original review from 8 Sep 2023 (Score: 9.4): I've spent an absurd amount of time playing Yakuza Kiwami 2. Initially, I thought the story was a bit bland compared to the emotional depth of Kiwami 1 because the game appears to be about a gang war at first, but as it went on, I found myself enveloped in one of the most insane story campaigns I've ever played because it takes its time to evolve into a heartbreaking and emotionally gripping story, thus giving the player rewarding reasons to give a shit about every character here—Kiwami 2 knows its way around the heartstrings. The engine for this game is phenomenal, even if I think at times it could be a bit disorienting; it feels a bit more immersive to walk into stores and restaurants as opposed to 0 and Kiwami 1, and the radar/map with the active headcount for people interacting in areas is fantastic. The substories in this game are like playing through episodes of The Simpsons, and every minigame presents a fun test in endurance (except for Mahjong because that game is fucking bullshit), not to mention the tower defense Majima Construction minigame (which has one of the funniest flyer slogans ever) and the returning Cabaret Club Grand Prix. My only issues with this game include the Heat Mode/combat system—a downgrade from Yakuza 0/Kiwami 1 and considerably more tedious to learn the ropes of when starting with no upgrades since it's much slower-paced—and the EXP system, which is a bit of a slog before you can upgrade any of your items. But they're a mere inconvenience in the way of an otherwise phenomenal entry in one of the most enveloping game series I've ever had the pleasure of playing. I'd even go so far as to say that this is probably the only Yakuza game that will receive my worthwhile stab at a 100% completion (I would love to 100% Yakuza 0, my favorite game ever, but it's way too time-consuming and with this one, I sorta found myself accidentally making a lot of progress in many of the completion lists as I went along, so now there's an incentive for the active effort).

My grade would be higher if: A. I didn’t think this game’s RNG was abysmal and B. I didn’t believe this is occasionally one of the buggiest messes present in a genuinely good game. Nevertheless, both are true and annoying beyond belief, especially because I’m in a phase with a friend where I’m trying to 100% this game for fun. Suffice to say, it isn’t very fun. In a casual setting though? This is clearly the ideal co-op FPS video game, a shit ton of fun, warts and all. I’m being harsh just because this game is fucking annoying and I’m a baby, so take it with a grain of salt.

Update: While I still believe a decent portion of what I've written is true, I will concede that I was being harsh and mostly basing my opinion of it on the main battle royale mode, which was where most of my experience lay. The zero-build battle royale option and some sessions with friends who are considerably deeper into the game have since changed my perspective. I still haven't spent money on this and refuse to, but I understand why someone might do that (other than mere sunk cost fallacy). The point of the game, I've realized, is to have mindless fun, and with the new game expansions in Chapter 5 in particular, it's rather intriguing to see what this game has become since I first reviewed it. Substance shmubstance, this game wasn't created for serious critical analysis. Which, for the record, is not an excuse for how grossly corporate it is, or how middling the main battle royale mode still is, but I'm willing to say I'd probably much rather play this than a lot of online multiplayer games that have made waves as cultural phenomena. ------------------------------------------------------ Original review from 10 Oct 2022 (Score: 5.0): This game singlehandedly ruined the video game industry. Sure, PUBG may predate this game in terms of blockbuster battle royales, but no game had so profoundly affected gaming in the last ten or fifteen years as much as this one, since this was free and PUBG wasn't. Consequently, Fornite became the catalyst for new battle royale games (for better and *mostly* worse) and even forced competition out of franchises that aren't even related to the battle royale style of game, i.e. CS:GO's Danger Zone mode (an inclusion that incentivized Valve to make the game free-to-play and milk every penny out of players for all the additional content). For what it's worth, it's not a terribly bad game; personally, I would never in a million years use money to acquire this game, and I'm happy to say I've never spent a dime on any of Fortnite's in-game add-ons or virtual currency. However, I firmly believe calling this game fun or great is the equivalent to watching any given Marvel film and walking out of it believing that it was cinema's best. Sure, it's a novelty to have all of these forces of pop culture come together to duke it out, but it's not sufficient enough to redeem the qualitative failures of the media itself. In the case of Fortnite, between its general lack of personality and the slog of both its crafting and attacking mechanics, no Goku costume could ever make this game more than the uninteresting chore it is.