SpongeBob SquarePants: Revenge of the Flying Dutchman

Thank god I played Battle for Bikini Bottom before I played this game, or else Spongebob/licensed games would've disillusioned me. As a kid, I played anything that came my way because I didn't have any money to buy my games, and I was impressionable and wide-eyed as any other kid. Spongebob was the prime cartoon character of my generation, and the yellow sponge getting his own console video game was exciting back in the early 2000s. As big as Spongebob was back then, you'd think they'd put some effort into his first major video game outing. Man, I would've been disappointed if I bought this game the year it came out.

The game begins with Spongebob waking up from a bad dream. He then plays fetch with Gary as Gary picks up a treasure chest instead of the stick that Spongebob threw. There are already two significant issues present here in this cutscene. For one, Spongebob's facial animation clips out of his head when he plays fetch with Gary. Even for 2002 PS2 graphics, it looks hilariously lazy. Another problem is the pacing of the story in this game. Have you ever gotten tired while writing a paper that you try to get to the end of your points while the flow and ebb of your essay are compromised because you want to get it done? That's what the story of this game feels like, and I'm convinced the writers in this game didn't give a shit. The story just kind of...happens. How does Gary find the Flying Dutchman's treasure chest right outside? Why is The Flying Dutchman angry that Spongebob released him and will ruin his life by taking all of his friends away? Who knows, and who cares because the writers didn't. Spongebob spends the game rescuing his friends, finding puzzles pieces doing different objectives in different levels to find Flying Dutchman-related items to get access to his ship eventually. I'm okay with item-collecting in games like Banjo Kazooie, but I'm convinced the developers of this game went with this type of platformer to pad out the game because they didn't give a shit.

Speaking of not giving a shit, there are only four music tracks throughout the game; each way coincides with Spongebob's costumes you unlock throughout the game. Each of these tracks fit the world of Spongebob just fine, but they get tiring REALLY fast. The levels in this game are "familiar" places from the TV show, and I use the word familiar loosely. Downtown Bikini Bottom is a dark, dingy alleyway filled with tough greaser fish. Remember Downtown Bikini Bottom being like this in the show? Because I don't. Sandy's Treedome is fine, albeit a bit too large, probably to appropriately fit the scale of the rest of the levels, but the problem is that Spongebob doesn't even have his water helmet on, and he doesn't get dehydrated. Come on, guys, it's from the first episode of the fucking show!

Goo Lagoon looks like a desert and has the least thrilling boat chase in gaming history. At least that part is funny. Jellyfish Fields is the reason why I quit this game. The level looks better than all familiar areas from the show, but its level design is worse. There is a "boss" in this level in the shape of a clownfish (a fish with clown makeup, not Nemo) that you have to fight to get a bus ticket to the next level, but when you confront him, all you have to do is to hit him once, and he gives up. I thought this was incredibly lazy, even when I was a kid. . The point when I gave up was the Jellyfish challenge because this objective signifies that this game is so lazy to the point where it's broken. You have to catch 100 jellyfish to get the reef blower, and you naturally assume that this objective is within the confines of the level, but there are only about 75-80 jellyfish in Jellyfish Fields. The game doesn't tell you that the total considers jellyfish you can catch in the areas outside of Jellyfish Fields, but how the fuck are you supposed to figure that out as a kid? It also doesn't help that the only way to progress in this game is to 100% every level, so I said fuck it and gave up.

So yeah, I never finished this game when I was a kid, but neither did the developers in my defense. I imagine them putting the least amount of effort possible into the game, hoping that it would sell like hotcakes because Spongebob was such a hot item. Battle for Bikini Bottom was a licensed game made with a love for platformers and the Spongebob source it was built on, but this game falls under the standard category of "kids are dumb, so they'll buy anything." breed of licensed game.