Kid Icarus: Uprising

My huge and rather unhealthy crush on Pit leads me to excuse a lot more about this game than I really should - the frustrating weapon fusion mechanics, weird control scheme, and long unskippable rail-shooter bits are all tedious despite Sakurai's best efforts to make all the disparate parts work - but in spite of all the giant flaws it's fucking fun. The game engine allows you to move at absolutely absurd speed, snipe enemies all the way across the map, and pull off Kingdom Hearts-level evasive maneuvers with ease. ...Well, relative ease, given the controls being a bit finicky even when you get used to the touchscreen aiming (they often read walking as dashing which makes maneuvering around lava, unfenced edges, etc. a bit finicky). Also Kingdom Hearts-esque is the diversity of enemy and boss design. There's often multiple bosses per stage, both aerial and grounded, and all of them have some sort of unique gimmick or moveset that lends a ton of memorability.

The other big criticism I see leveled at this game, besides the controls, is that the dialogue tries way too hard to be funny. And perhaps it does, but this is a Nintendo game! Those expecting something that isn't childish and goofy really shouldn't be playing this game in the first place. Like, go file your tax returns and brood somewhere else. Speaking as a pretty humorless sod myself, some of the exchanges are just hilarious, and the fourth-wall breaking is quite inventive at times. There's an entire two stages, the earlier of which (chapter 5) is one of the game's highlights, that are devoted to messing with the player's head.

Despite being pretty quick in completion terms, the amount of replay value here is staggering. Difficulty is fully adjustable using a slider, and ranges from "beatable blindfolded" to "OH GOD". Beating all stages on max difficulty, as well as the boss rush, is certainly no easy task, but on top of that, 100% completion demands that you become familiar with all 9 weapon types, and that you can meet somewhat demanding speedrun goals in various stages. When you take the multiplayer into account (though sadly, the lobbies are mostly dead at this point...) there's a lot of content to offer, especially for a portable title.

My biggest regret about this game, aside from there not being more of it, is that the 3DS' resolution is simply too low to do the visuals justice. The stages are absolutely gorgeous and push the 3DS to its limits with imaginative settings and super-high polygon count. Sadly, even with 3D adding some clarity and definition, it feels a bit blocky. Of course, there's no way to get around this, but since it's unlikely that KI:U will ever be re-released or ported, it's stuck with the limitations of its console holding it back from further glory.