Frogger: The Great Quest

The Great Quest is one of the most bizarre platformers you can play on the PS2. Conceptually, this is Konami's first attempt to get in on the whole 'mascot platformer' trend early into the PS2's catalog. Because surely if Gex and Croc are capable of getting multiple games, then why not an iconic gaming staple like Frogger? I mean, he's a frog! Jumping is far more up his alley than Pac Man! On the flip-side, Frogger wasn't quite known for his charming personality, so Konami had to try and give him a humanoid appearance, with voice acting and everything. And for what it's worth, the character designs and voice acting are some of the more tolerable aspects of the game.

From an artistic standpoint, Frogger has a surprising amount of depth. Hard to believe, but regardless of how it plays, each level has a distinctive, memorable design to it. Lots of little details all over every level that show that most of the work put into this game went into making it look interesting. The enemy/npc designs and animations also stand out in a surreal, cartoony way that matches with the environments. And the music is good, too! Cherry pick the right screenshots and you could fool someone into thinking this is some kind of hidden, underappreciated gem.

Unfortunately, all the optimism a player could have for such a game immediately depletes once they hit the ‘jump’ button for the first time. The gameplay and controls are awkward and sludgy from start to finish. Frogger slips off of the sides of platforms, on top of the many finicky platforms that are placed too high or far apart for the player to reach without a frustrating amount of precision. The combat is easily the worst part of the game. You either try to aim your frog spit at your enemies and shoot them a dozen times each, or more often you run up to them and mash the attack button, pitifully slapping them until they eventually die. If these mechanics were more tolerable, I could see people looking back on this fondly.

But even then, much of the frustration comes from being slowed down by obnoxious puzzles, ‘find the item’ objectives that span large areas, and roaming around aimlessly trying to figure out what the game wants you to do. I wouldn’t call it a ‘difficult’ game, but it’s one that’s easy to get stalled on. These levels look nice, but they don’t give you many hints when you run out of ideas. It doesn’t help that most of these levels are big, open areas that don’t give you a sense of direction. With the right objectives, I’m sure a clever designer could make this kind of level design work, but this kind of progression doesn’t fit well in an awkward platforming game. Not even good controls can save that.

So bad that when I played it as a kid it caused me to physically vomit
What else can I say? There are just some things mankind wasn't meant to see.