The Liz Phair Defender Has Logged On

Recent Reviews

AFI - AFI (The Blood Album)
Various Artists - Plea for Peace - Take Action
Pusha T - Lunch Money, Drug Dealers Anonymous
Tilt - Collect 'em All
Nine Inch Nails - Fixed
Brendan Kelly & The Wandering Birds - I'd Rather Die Than Live Forever
Direct Hit! - Wasted Mind
Fenix*TX - Lechuza
Something Corporate - Leaving Through the Window
A shitload of Liz Phair albums - Yo Yo Buddy Yup Yup Word to Ya Muthuh, Girls Girls Girls, Girlysound Third Tape, Exile in Guyville (revisited review), Whip-Smart (revisited review), Whitechocolatespaceegg, and hooo boy, Liz Phair.
Taylor Swift - 1989
Limp Bizkit - Results May Vary
Blaqk Audio - Bright Black Heaven, Material
Senses Fail - Let It Enfold You (revisited review)

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softer than Flanders' son

For better or worse, these reviewers or critics or publications influenced me:

Buddyhead. Dr David Thorpe. Sgt D of Stuff You Will Hate. Hipster Runoff. Jeff Gerstmann. Austin Walker. GOZ. Nodima. Big Ghostface. Magazines: Uncut, Rolling Stone, Kerrang!, Metal Hammer, Q, the single issue of Punk Planet that my aunt bought me back when that was still running (it had Fred Armisen on the cover).

Why take my word for it? Here's what some of team_vampire's peers had to say about him. may be entirely fictional

"God, who does this fuckin' dicklord think he is? He's a corporate rock apologist one minute, a hipster douche the next, and he's the whitest dude in the world but he likes HIP-HOP? All the while forcing his liberal (more like lie-beral LOL) views on us subliminally. And what's with putting autobiographical shit in his reviews. Like we care about the time his friends told him he was gay for listening to AFI (or gay-FI LOL) when he was 15... GET A DICK! PEACE." (negative feedback on my eBay profile)

"This guy's post-ironic veneration of extremely mainstream pop music like Lady Gaga, blink-182 and Linkin Park is very played-out. Anti-anti-anti-hipsterism was very much a thing of the post-Pitchfork era, which chillwave stamped out ages ago. You can read more about it on my blog." (cawed at me by a savage archaeopterix in a drug trip I was on)

"WHAT? WHAT? MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT??! I'm deaf." (written in blood on my door)

"This guy doesn't listen to enough tr00 kvlt metul. But apart from that he's OK I guess." (cryptic writings deciphered by scientists in a deep-sea trench who discovered a picture of my grim visage and went mad)

"team_vampire is NOT actually a vampire. I responded to his personals advert and was EXTREMELY disappointed that he had a pulse. He also made me listen to some really shitty 'post-hardcore'. DO NOT MEET." (carved on the face of a mannequin I found in an abandoned house)

"Despite all his coy allusions to the contrary, this guy is actually a heterosexual. I know, I couldn't believe it either. I mean, Lady Gaga? Pansy Division? Pantera? But he's all about the vajayjay. I guess he thinks it makes him appear more sensitive and shit. All those William S. Burroughs allusions are bullshit, as well. He just reads the Cliff Notes. The things that honkies be sayin' to get the pussy..." (scrolled across my computer screen, unbidden, while I searched Google for 18th century pornography)

"Mate your reviews are shit!" (yelled from a car by people I didn't even know)

Recently I've decided to methodically scroll through my collection and review all of the albums I have. It instantly became obvious that I couldn't force myself to say stuff about an album I hadn't listened to or thought about in years, but you're gonna see a lot more reviews from me, I hope. I still have well over a thousand to write, and they will often be very brief, perhaps a couple sentences. Still, I feel confident I can do it with the support of YOU, my loving fanbase. Oh wait, you don't exist? Well fuck you guys, I'm doing it anyway!!

UPDATE: So yeah, you may've noticed that I haven't been on here much, no forum posts for ages and even less in the way of reviews. I've been pretty busy with other shit recently, but in any case I've mainly been listening to the G.O.O.D. Music album, or the good parts of it. Hopefully sometime in the New Year I'll be able to drag my lazy ass into the chair more frequently and write some reviews, watch this space.

UPDATE UPDATE ((2015)): Oh you thought I was done? Oh it ain't over motherfuckers. I been cooking up some SHIT. It's gonna be HERE SOON.

UPDATE x3 (2016): I swear more reviews will materialise one day