Depression Quest

"You tell her how it's more than just feeling sad sometimes, how you feel trapped by your own mind sometimes, how sometimes you feel nothing at all, and how you can't shake it off."

It's a little unfortunate that Depression Quest has become radioactive through its association with Zoe Quinn and the dumpster fire that was GamerGate, as it's an interesting little experience that pleasantly surprised me. It's hardly the most radical project out there, and I imagine that it doesn't do a great job of explaining the experience of depression to those without. However, as someone who's able to relate to most of what's depicted within, it's a really strange experience that hits so close to home that I feel an uncomfortable level of exposure while playing it, like the game is looking right at me.

I consider myself fortunate enough to have never experienced suicidal ideation, but the complete inability to muster up the motivation for just about anything is something I can absolutely relate to. Of the few people I know have played Depression Quest, a few have looked at the choices available to the player and expressed frustration that their menu includes items that are crossed out. Why put them there? I think this is one of the game's more brilliant points: You absolutely know that you could just do it, just commit to that social outing with friends you genuinely appreciate - but it's not actually an option. Hell, it's excruciating to seriously consider it. And all that aggravation that you feel in the game, feeling like the game has railroaded you into taking shitty options time and again, IRL all that aggravation gets funneled inward because you don't have a good reason for being like this! Despite being intimately familiar with your own feelings, you can't really come up with an explanation for your broken brain that doesn't feel like bullshit on some level. How the fuck are you supposed to explain to yourself - much less anyone else - why brushing your teeth feels like one of the Labors of Hercules?

So I understand why this game is frustrating to play. Even if I distance myself (and my personal experiences) from the game a bit, I respect the hell out of it for being frustrating. It gives the game a kind of authenticity that I admire because it turns so many people off. It makes an honest attempt at depicting the experience of being depressed and does a decent enough job that it was definitely recognizable for me. I don't know if it's possible to make these depictions vivid enough that they truly connect with neurotypical people, but I respect the creators for putting forth the effort, given that this person has also experienced that crippling lack of motivation. I can't imagine what it's like to release a project like this and have it indirectly cast such a long shadow over the video game industry for years afterward.

This is a free game that I want to recommend, but I don't know who I would recommend it to. It's not fun, per se, but it has value as an art piece that reflects the artist's feelings. I think it will have the most value for those who take a genuine interest in the feelings of strangers and those who experience comfort (or modest discomfort) in knowing that others share their struggles.

You can tell a lot of people have review bombed this game without actually playing it based on the amount of .5 ratings (it's not that bad). This game is a fairly middling experience although it does a few cool things. I like how you can click on hyperlinks to get extended lore (although this is underutilized). I think seeing the option you want to take but not have that choice is genuinely really powerful. And I think the epilogue is simple yet says a lot.

The writing is a mixed bag. On one hand, I did get to know some of these characters a shocking amount for such a short game (took me 20 minutes). The day to day nature of the story works really well and explains that sort of mundane feeling depression has. However, things in the world were often written as ambiguous as a clear attempt of being able to place yourself in the characters shoes. This works well for your characters traits (gender, personality, looks) but fails for everything else because it's so vague I can't make a connection. I have no reason to feel connected to the 'project' or the 'day job'. I still would have been able to relate to the day job and how tired a shitty job is if they simply described it.

The biggest flaw however is in your choices. You either have to be 1. Depressed enough you choose the choices believing you are making the right choice in this story 2. Psychotic or 3. Playing to get the bad ending to choose any of the choices which lead to your downward spiral. The game gives you choice, but very few players are actually going to take that choice. We want to see our character (who is meant to be us our own write-in since we are described so vaguely as mentioned before) get better. Once the game ends you feel like your choices mattered but that you would have got the same experience watching 99% of other people play.

Overall you should probably give this a go if you've got 20 minutes to spare and want a little story. I'm not crazy about this game or anything but it's worth playing for the couple cool things it does, and so you can actually be critical about Depression Quest instead of hating it because you're a transphobic.